Favorite Subject: Recess
Life Goal: Meet a nice girl who’s
not taller than me.
Favorite Food: Cereal
Favorite Sport: Baseball
Interests: Nature, Art class, Sports
Biggest Fear: Throwing a knuckle ball
Quote: “I wish I was sitting under a tree right now.”
What are you most proud of: “I can hold my breath underwater and swim the length of the YMCA swimming pool!”
VOL.4, (september)

TT: [Treewiddle Tribune] First, tell us a bit about yourself.
CONRAD: Well, most people in this school know me as the kid with the cool hat but there’s much more to me than fashion and style. I’m funny, kinda cute – not that any girls at this school notice– and I’m also an artist. I’ve also been told I’m pretty good at sports.

TT: We’ve covered sports here at Treewiddle Elementary since you arrived but we’ve never heard anyone say you’re good at sports.
CONRAD: My mad skills probably make other kids jealous, so it’s no wonder they stay quiet. That stuff usually happens with pro athletes when they were a kid like me.

TT: Which sport would you say you are best at?
CONRAD: Probably baseball. I’m a pretty good pitcher and I’m feared as a hitter.

TT: Could you list your two greatest personal strengths and explain each one?
CONRAD: Um … my best strength would have to be my speed. I’m really fast! That helps me in baseball, soccer, and football. I can run around anybody and score points.

TT: How many touchdowns you scored with your speed?
CONRAD: wellllllll …. none so far. I’m saving them all up for a big game. Like the Thanksgiving Day game. That’s a big game! I’ll probably score six or seven that game. But my second strength would probably be that I try hard in school. Yep! I’m a hard worker who’s going somewhere!

TT: Does the school give you too much homework? How much do you think they should give?
CONRAD: It really depends on the teacher. Some teachers are really hard because they think we have nothing else to do. It’s crazy! Like how am I supposed to play sports after school, hang out with my friends, eat dinner, chat online, game, watch TV, and relax when I have to do all this homework???

TT: You said you’re an artist. What kind of artist are you?
CONRAD: Oh, I paint and draw but I think I like painting the most. I like creating new things with colors. I try to make my paintings look like what I’m seeing but it’s tough to do good. I get better at it all the time though.

TT: Describe one time where you acted as a leader.
CONRAD: Once, when we were gaming online, we needed to capture the enemy’s flag to win so would could earn an Assault Badge. I was squad leader and led my squad into battle and we captured the flag! I’m usually squad leader because I can kill a lot of people with my M-16 rifle. It was awesome! We won. It was so cool!

TT: Let me ask again. Can you describe a time where you acted like a leader in real life?
CONRAD: What do you mean? I really did lead the squad into battle. I can even bring up my online stats and prove it to you!
TT: Nevermind. Let’s move on …

TT: In your opinion, what makes a good teacher?
CONRAD: Someone who doesn’t assign tons of homework and doesn’t call on me to answer questions in front of the class.

TT: Do you have any views on religion, Conrad?
CONRAD: Yes and No … It’s confusing because everybody seems to believe in something different. So SOMEBODY must be up there, but I wish whoever it is that they’d pay more attention to me!

TT: What do you think about kids your age smoking cigarettes, using alcohol, or drugs?
CONRAD: I don’t know. It can be cool … I guess. The movies make it look cool sometimes. Drugs are bad. Those are a definite “no-way” for me. I might drink beer when I get to college. I dunno. Someday I’d probably like to do a Scarface in front of a whole bunch of bad guys though — Ha-Ha-HAAAA!!!! — That would be awesome!! … “Say Heh-llooo to my leeetle friend” Braaapp-Braaapp-Bang-Bang-BANG!!!
TT: Oh, my.

TT: Describe your philosophy of life, if you have one?
CONRAD: Philosophy of life, huh? … um … well … It would have to be “Have fun, play sports, be an All-Star, be nice to girls or Santa won’t bring you any presents, love Nature, and get a good job when you grow up.”

TT: Thank you for your time, Conrad. Best of luck this year.
CONRAD: You’re welcome … Do I get extra credit for this?”

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