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CHARACTERS

CONRAD is Treewiddle Elementary School’s version of nice-guy syndrome. He ponders, thinks, dreams, and considers his life when actions would serve him better.

  • His suffers an unrequited puppy-love for Lizzy (see below) and practically all girls.
  • Believes he is great at sports, but his natural ability is limited to tying his cleats.
  • Ultimately he is a sensitive boy doomed to suffer the harsh realities of childhood, and beyond.
HOLIDAY is the voice of reason when no one is listening to Reason itself. Whether in the newsroom, in sports, or philosophy sessions with Conrad, he tries to straighten the very curvy path of life.

  • He’s the Network Administrator for the Treewiddle Tribune newspaper.
  • He is also Conrad’s closest friend and confidant.
  • Wise beyond his years and usually calm under pressure.
RUDO is a rough lovable boy, but made from good timber. Math is not his best subject but neither is spelling, history, language arts, science, social studies, etc, etc, etc, — currently his best subject is lunchtime and sports.

  • What he lacks in brains he makes up for with biceps and simplicity.
  • Usually he is the unwitting sidekick for Winslow’s (see below) evil intentions.
  • His love for food can be overwhelming and he has been known to eat pizza coupons in a panic.
  • He is a good person and one day will make a great husband-project for some girl.
WINSLOW salutes any “ANTI-authority” flag, unless HE is the authority. Naturally uncomfortable in any position except “boss,” his Editor-in-Chief chair at The Treewiddle Tribune newspaper provides him great influence and power: both of which make him very happy.

  • Teachers mold children into their likeness; however, Winslow has similar goals.
  • His superiority complex towards everybody makes him attractive to future gold-digger Lizzy (see below).
  • Muscles are small, but his sarcasm can inflict internal bleeding.
  • Rebuffs Lizzy’s attention as one would a mosquito.
LIZZY (brunette) and KIZZY (blonde) each epitomize gold-digger, celebrity influence, materialism, and heartlessness — something you wouldn’t expect to find in little girls.

  • Lizzy is the leader, Kizzy is her follower and best friend.
  • Lizzy was raised by television and is on a mission to succeed in life as pop culture dictates.
  • Lizzy is very smart and aggressive, Kizzy is the exact opposite.
  • Lizzy knows how to get what she wants and is unnaturally life-savvy.
  • Conrad’s boyish advances are lost on Lizzy and she ruthlessly rejects him. Power and money attract her: Conrad has neither.
  • Conversely, Winslow’s selfishness and arrogance attracts her girlish charms like a dreamy chocolate poison.
  • Lizzy and Kizzy are the resident cheerleaders for Treewiddle sports, though if you are expecting a spirited performance you’d be better rewarded watching Rudo during lunch on Pizza Fridays.

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